It's been a week or so, and I'm sorry for that. Cars in the shop, preparing to move, the aches and pains of arthritis and whatever else I have - it all adds up over time. Some days are good and some aren't. And through it all runs that thread of a grief that is so profound, not even my loving husband and daughter can combat it. Those are the days I want to crawl into bed and cry. I want to spend my grief in some way, but when it keeps coming back, it feels fruitless.

Moving is going to be hard for me - going back to a place where we were a happy family. But I've had time, I guess. It gets easier - in a way. I have fewer and fewer of those days of crippling grief and sorrow. And when I say crippling, I really mean it. To the point where work is almost impossible. My husband - ever the optimist - says that you just have to go on and in 20 years, will this matter? And he's probably right, although I know that he is hurting as bad as I am. 

There are still times when I turn around and say "She would have loved this!" at a farmers market on on a cool, sunny day. Or I think "He would have loved helping me!" when I go to do something in my hobby car. And that thread runs through my whole life. And there is only so much you can do about that thread. It's an integral part of your life, but it's just truly sorrowful.

I'll work through it I suppose. And I know that even though the person who took you away from us is raising you (and make no mistake, she did set those wheels in motion) that you will grow to be good, kind people.