Generational Loss

Loss spans generations. I have - regretfully - caused those I love pain. In my defense, the pain caused by behaviors they exhibited was just as difficult for me to handle as the pain I caused them.

Those of us in the middle - Aging parents and children who are moving out of the nest - often get forgotten. Unfortunately my own mother did not get to experience this as my grandparents passed away long before I was even born. My sister isn't going to experience this as she has no children.

I am.

Without going into great detail, words were said. On all sides. Judgements made - some erroneous, some not so much.People aren't bad. People make mistakes - sometimes the mistakes are big and sometimes they are little. As human being we are *not* the sum of our mistakes, but the sum of our experiences.

I want to yell "that person you vilify has it in his heart to love you anyway, to meet with you, to care about you and to remind me that I may later regret doing [something]", but no one cares to listen. I want to yell "what about how I was treated?" So far, no one cares about that either. I want to scream from the top of my lungs "I matter! What I want matters!" - and right now there are only two people in my life that I feel care to hear that, and *only* one who I feel truly believes it. And I don't have to scream it at him - i just whisper it and he hears.

I am not the same person I was 6 years ago - for better or worse, I'm just not.